This Christmas was to bring several emotions and memories. One of which was the 1 year anniversary of Brock's death. Honestly I was not looking forward to Christmas for that very reason. I imagined every horribly devastated, mad, and shocking feeling rushing back to me like it had a year ago Christmas Eve morning. I imagined actually believing my mom when she told me on the phone because at that moment she was not acting like my mom. I even imagined walking into the emergency room that morning. I just had a feeling everything from a year ago was going to rush back and hit me in the face. I had been half dreading Christmas for months. However, Christmas came and turned out to bring many other emotions. Most of which were far more joyful and "Christmas-like" than I was ever expecting. Of course there was still some tears but as a whole this Christmas was much more of a celebratory time for my family and I.
Last year some of Brock's friends got a Christmas tree, set it up in the middle of the Shelley Skatepark, and everyone decorated it with ornaments, photos, momentos, etc. This year we did the same thing. My mom and Kip went snowmobiling up in Island Park the weekend before and cut down a Christmas tree then Christmas Eve afternoon we all went to the skatepark to set it up. It was SO cold! Nathan and I asked my mom if she really wanted the tree in the middle of the skatepark or if we could move it into the shelter. That's how cold it was. Mom said she wanted it in the middle of the skatepark so the two of us started to do some decorating, complete with glow sticks to see the tree shining at night and everything. Mom even brought out all the decorations people put on it last year which I thought was pretty special. Right before we left the house it started to snow. Then it turned into more of a blizzard because it snowed harder, at an angle, and with bigger flakes. You can even tell in one of the pictures below.
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| the wooden sign below the tree has glow sticks stapled into place to spell Brock's name |
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| the ground was rather frozen and it took at least 3 people with a huge auger and a mallet to get it into the ground |
Despite the bitter cold it was a great time. Kip brought a giant heater to put in the shelter for everyone, my aunt Linda and uncle John brought their propane camp stove so we could all have some hot chocolate with our cookies. And surprisingly there were a lot of people (probably close to 50) that braved the weather to come show support and be there for us that day, especially for my mom and I know Brock was smiling down on all of us the entire day.
On another note, I was slightly alright with Christmas this year just for the fact that I do have something very special to be thankful for. The gift of being pregnant with mine and Jordan's first child. Expressing my gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the ability to carry one of his children into this world is something I was looking forward to this Christmas because I'd been praying for this for awhile, especially after losing Brock. I cannot wait for this little one to get here. To hold in my arms. To be able to look in his/her eyes and say, "You are my very own." To thank Heavenly Father every single day that I have the incredible blessing to be a mother, let alone to be a mother to this child. To once again express gratitute for family's being able to be together forever. The list just goes on and on. I know until that day comes this little blessing is hanging out up above with uncle Brock and I am incredibly grateful for that. Little Baby Knapp I love you with all my heart!
So here's the run down on how mine and Jordan's Christmas went: on December 23rd I spent the night at my mom's in Shelley (anniversary of Brock's death was early Christmas Eve morning), opened gifts that night with my mom, spent all day Christmas Eve with my mom, Kip, and Nathan, went to the Shelley Skatepark Christmas Eve afternoon for our ceremony for Brock, went back up to Jordan's parent's house in Rexburg that evening and spent the night there, woke up and opened gifts, went to my aunt Linda and uncle John's house in Ucon, ID for my family's Christmas get-together at 2:00 pm, left and headed up to Ashton, ID for Jordan's family's get-together that started at 4:00 pm, stayed in Ashton until about 10:30 pm when we finally went back to Rexburg and I hit the sack to prepare myself for work tomorrow morning. Phew! Yes it was as jam packed as it sounds! But totally worth it! I absolutely love being able to see both our family's on the holidays. The fact that we live so close to almost all of our family can be slightly hectic around the holidays but it is a huge blessing at the same time!
I hope everyone had an incredible holiday season!
On another note, I was slightly alright with Christmas this year just for the fact that I do have something very special to be thankful for. The gift of being pregnant with mine and Jordan's first child. Expressing my gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the ability to carry one of his children into this world is something I was looking forward to this Christmas because I'd been praying for this for awhile, especially after losing Brock. I cannot wait for this little one to get here. To hold in my arms. To be able to look in his/her eyes and say, "You are my very own." To thank Heavenly Father every single day that I have the incredible blessing to be a mother, let alone to be a mother to this child. To once again express gratitute for family's being able to be together forever. The list just goes on and on. I know until that day comes this little blessing is hanging out up above with uncle Brock and I am incredibly grateful for that. Little Baby Knapp I love you with all my heart!
So here's the run down on how mine and Jordan's Christmas went: on December 23rd I spent the night at my mom's in Shelley (anniversary of Brock's death was early Christmas Eve morning), opened gifts that night with my mom, spent all day Christmas Eve with my mom, Kip, and Nathan, went to the Shelley Skatepark Christmas Eve afternoon for our ceremony for Brock, went back up to Jordan's parent's house in Rexburg that evening and spent the night there, woke up and opened gifts, went to my aunt Linda and uncle John's house in Ucon, ID for my family's Christmas get-together at 2:00 pm, left and headed up to Ashton, ID for Jordan's family's get-together that started at 4:00 pm, stayed in Ashton until about 10:30 pm when we finally went back to Rexburg and I hit the sack to prepare myself for work tomorrow morning. Phew! Yes it was as jam packed as it sounds! But totally worth it! I absolutely love being able to see both our family's on the holidays. The fact that we live so close to almost all of our family can be slightly hectic around the holidays but it is a huge blessing at the same time!
I hope everyone had an incredible holiday season!
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